In today’s world, social media plays a massive role in shaping how we view relationships. It often presents an idealized version of love, making us believe that certain behaviors and expectations are the standard. But is this really what love is all about?
This post looks at the common myths surrounding love and breaks down what love truly means, drawing inspiration from Erich Fromm’s classic, The Art of Loving.
1. Love as a Passive Experience
A lot of people see love as something that just happens to them. They wait for someone to swoop in and shower them with affection, attention, or gifts. This passive mindset often leads to feelings of disappointment and frustration when reality doesn’t match their expectations. Real love, however, is anything but passive—it’s active. It requires effort, care, and intentionality, like showing kindness, offering support, and genuinely understanding your partner.
2. Love as a Transactional Exchange
Some people treat love like a business deal, expecting something in return for their affection. They might give their time, attention, or gifts with the hope of gaining security, validation, or even material benefits. But this “give-to-get” mentality can harm a relationship, creating imbalances and undermining trust. Real love isn’t about keeping score—it’s about mutual respect, selflessness, and a genuine connection.
3. Love as Passionate Infatuation
The early stages of a relationship are often marked by excitement, butterflies, and intense emotions. While it’s easy to confuse this passion with love, infatuation is just the beginning. True love grows beyond these initial sparks. It’s built on a foundation of respect, commitment, and shared experiences. Passion may ebb and flow, but real love deepens over time, allowing couples to face life’s challenges together.
4. Love as a Fulfillment of Personal Needs
For some, love is about filling an emotional void—whether it’s loneliness, insecurity, or a lack of self-worth. They look for a partner to “complete” them or fix their problems. This approach often leads to unhealthy dependency and unmet expectations. True love starts with self-love and a sense of wholeness. While a loving relationship can provide comfort and companionship, it shouldn’t be the sole solution for personal fulfillment.
5. Love as a Societal Expectation
Cultural norms often dictate how we think about love. From finding “the one” to the expectation of marriage or fitting into traditional roles, societal pressure can shape our understanding of love in limiting ways. These external expectations can lead to stress or unrealistic goals. Real love is deeply personal and unique to each individual. It’s essential to define love based on your values and experiences—not what society tells you it should look like.
Understanding these common misconceptions about love is key to building healthy, fulfilling relationships.Love isn’t about just receiving; it’s about giving. It’s not about one person depending on another. When we understand that love is an active practice of giving, we can create deeper connections with ourselves and our partners. True love needs self-awareness, respect, and genuine care. It can’t be pressured by society or need external validation.
Erich Fromm, a renowned psychoanalyst, outlined four essential components that define authentic love:
- Care: Actively supporting the growth and well-being of another.
- Responsibility: Being willing to respond to and meet the needs of a loved one.
- Respect: Recognizing, valuing, and honoring the individuality of the other.
- Knowledge: Gaining a deep and empathetic understanding of your partner.
If we embrace and cultivate these elements in our relationships, we can move past surface-level connections and foster a love that is meaningful, lasting, and transformative. When we base our love on these principles, it doesn’t just make our relationships better, it also helps us grow into better people.